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Quote from: smn on February 23, 2017, 12:41:55 PM
Constructive critisism - not for those faint of heart.

You should avoid repetetive words in the same sentence "...Some guards found the bodies of some residents...", I would use "several" or "few" guards.

"...because she loved everyone in the city and was very dear to everyone, because...", again I would use "since", "as", "in view of the fact".

The idea was okay, but the execution was sub par. You definitely need to improve your English, I would suggest picking up a book or two before writing a story yourself.

Thank you friend, you are sure.

This is the story of a heroine who defeated a villain who was planning to take the whole world of rpg club.

Read this story carefully!

There was a very peaceful city, where all the residents lived together





A brave warrior dwelt in that city, which had been in peace for a long time


But one day something strange happened. Some guards found the bodies of few residents dead outside the city, then they decided to call that brave warrior to see the situation.




When she saw it, she was outraged by this, because she loved everyone in the city and was very dear to everyone, she was a true heroine who had already saved the city from various dangers.

Faced with this situation, she went to the City Council to find out if they had more information about the villain who had made such an atrocity.


The Council informed her that some of the city's inhabitants had disappeared along with the deaths, as well as some trees and rocks near the city. A large number of bats were also sighted coming out of some caves.


But that was still a mystery to them, everyone knew there was some villain behind it, but they did not know who he was, and where he was, or what his plans were.

The heroine went to the city precinct to see some portraits of wanted villains, but she still did not know who this villain was.


That brave warrior thought quickly, and went to the temple in that city to ask the clerics if they knew anything.


They informed her that they felt a very great negative energy coming from a place not far from the city to the west.

Knowing this she went to her quarters and put on her gear and prepared to meet that villain and fight him.




The brave warrior went towards the place indicated by the clerics and arriving there she was amazed at everything she saw.

The inhabitants who had disappeared from the city had been turned into undead


The trees had created life and were armed




The rocks gathered in a heap, took life and formed body and were very strong


And some animals and plants took on huge sizes




Fearless and courageous, she faced all those challenges, and sought the villain there until she found him


There was a huge skull warrior in front of the heroine, he had a scythe in his hand, he was the villain who was causing all that chaos. He was an old enemy of the city and had revived.




COMBAT BEGINS!


Without wasting time Mury, the brave warrior, used all of her strongest abilities to beat him, and managed to defeat him with a very strong blow.


Soon after that fierce combat, she returned to the temple of her city to inquire with the clerics if there was any more negative energy coming from somewhere,


but they could not identify any.

In this way Mury, the brave warrior, defeated the villain who was ravaging every village of rpg club, and made all the inhabitants of the city return to be in peace again.


The End